realization. man.

i don't practice what i preach.
i say a lot of shit..
but in reality, at least lately, i can never back it up.

"never go back"
thats what i always said.
and what did i do?
i went back, completely.
willingly, happily.
i was too eager.

i dont know what i was trying to prove
but i dont think i accomplished anything
except that some boy can become interested in me again..
and then i just fall back into bed with him.
of course he would sweet talk me..
he wouldnt have to see me again after a couple drunken days.

i am mad at myself
i dont have self control
i do what i want at the time,
thinking "fuck what happens next."
maybe if i thought about the consequences
i could spare myself some pain.
i get led on, i know im being led on,
and i never save myself.

i need to try that sometime.